God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I think my vagina is haunted
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
