1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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