If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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