I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
