He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
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i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
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