Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
should my penis look like a turkey
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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