Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
