Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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