She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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