my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
