I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
