I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
