The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
