in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
