Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
