he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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