I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Bring me that man meat
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
