just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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