ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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