and you said cock pushups were impossible
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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