If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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