I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
We're too hungover to prance.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
