mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
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