I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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