and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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