I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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