i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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