Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
