Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I met the friendliest cop last night
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
