Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
