even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
