I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
