Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
