Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
