I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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