Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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