the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
