It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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