before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
