just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
