Pants 0. Shit 1.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
