College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
