I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
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