i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
