I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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