I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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