And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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