The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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