and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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