So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
