yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
