soooo we both peed the bed last night...
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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