Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
