If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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