The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Randomize
