a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
of course. lets lasso hookers.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
