just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
