1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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