His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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