batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
