i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
