The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
