i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
