The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
