we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
